I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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