Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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