tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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