I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
