the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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