Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
