i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize