I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
