wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
