Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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