i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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