You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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