taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
