my mouth tastes like poor choices
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
