He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
