I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
