WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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