I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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