Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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