hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
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