THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
This can only be settled by a dance off.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
