I want to stick my p in your. b.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
