I have demons in me.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
