I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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