Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
