it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
