Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
