Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
