Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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