whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
