I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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