I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
