She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
