Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
