In the future we'll all be gay
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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