I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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