We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
