You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize