brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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