living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So much Jack, so little girl.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
