3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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