dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
