So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
