she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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