got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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