When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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