so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
