this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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