It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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