tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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