1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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