Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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