I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
