I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
