Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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