I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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