Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
