I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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