I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize