Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
