A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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