Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
