So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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