I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
