Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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