So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
