Everything about him screamed your future.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
