Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I can't put those talents on a resume
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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