Sry I called you an 8
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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