I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
